it's been an interesting few days...

friday to sunday i've been stuck at a lifeguarding instructor's course -- learning how to teach people to be lifeguards. it was virtually an all-weekend deal, and was fairly intense. going into it, i was fairly sure that i wasn't going to pass and they wouldn't give me an instructor's license, partly from what they said, and partly from my lack of confidence in skill. i guess at times i do feel like i know everything, and other times, i don't. i can't understand how people can be so confident with what they do. me, i choke a lot of the time. i may know things when i'm not under pressure, and then once i'm put in the spotlight, i end up really just crumbling. i need to work on that. this needs to stop.

i also don't understand how people can be so confident about passing through that course. i think i have the fear of failure, and others don't think about that until it hits them. at some point i think that's how i used to process. nowadays... it feels like i can't afford to do that...

it was great to be around people with so much energy. i did walk out of that class with some more confidence, especially in terms of performing rescues and cpr. it's kind of funny to find myself where i am right now, considering when i first started off, my cpr skills weren't top standard. go figure. but you can count on me now to save you if you go into a heart attack. really :)

once sunday ended, with instructor license in hand, it was time for me to study for inorganic and systems physiology, which really kicked my butt.

so far:

systems physiology:
test 1 - 70% (average 60)
test 2 - 85.5% (average 70)
test 3 - pwnd (average ??)
test 4 -
test 5 -
final -

inorganic:
test 1 - 70% (average 69)
test 2 - meh (average ??)
test 3 -
test 4 -
final -

so glad that i've got drop tests in both those classes.

is it bad that i'm already looking forward to the weekend? i feel like i haven't really had a breather...

watched city of angels yesterday... not a bad movie... i want to watch michael (with john travolta) in it at some point. i want to start watching "new" movies ...

...so many things i need to do. want to do. so many goals...