fear for future

i'm currently petrified right now -- between this week and next i have to take my GREs general and subject test in bio. if there was any moment where i've tried my hardest to peer into the future, this would be it. i'm thinking of alternative options, escape plans, but i know that whatever happens will happen.

"we can make our plans, but the Lord determines our path."
~Proverbs 16:9

"life is like a box of chocolates -- you never know what you're gonna get."

UGA.
have at it at Kansas.

i turned to these pages, and i felt a lot better.

"...for the lord God is a sun and shield
the Lord bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does He withhold
from those who walk uprightly.
O Lord of hosts,
blessed is the one who trusts in you."
~Psalm 84:11-12

"...will you not revive us again
that your people may rejoice in you?
show us your steadfast love, O Lord
and grant us your salvation.
let me hear what God the Lord will speak
for he will speak peace to His people, to His saints;
but let them not turn back to folly,
surely his salvation is near to those who fear him,
that glory may dwell in our land.
steadfast love and faithfulness meet;
righteousness and peace kiss each other.
faithfulness springs up from the ground
yes, the Lord will give what is Good
and our land yield its increase.
Righteousness will go before him
and make his footsteps away."
~Psalm 85:6-13

[insert expletive here]

my goal for the next couple weeks included studying GRE, completing my personal statement, and reading.

due to the fact my bag is doing more traveling than i am

(my bag flight path: atlanta --> los angeles --> new york --> fiji --> korea --> ???????
my flight path: atlanta --> los angeles --> tokyo --> fukuoka)

i cannot study for GRE (since that is where my books are).
...well, not as effectively study, mayhaps.

i have therefore concentrated my efforts on completing my personal statement. which has taken a lot of thinking.

maybe i should just copy-paste my blog. that would work... right?

this week:

(monday) friend from zambia who i hadn't seen in six years dropped by for three hours for dinner. forgot keys and book at taco mac. drove back. rushed to finish lab report.
(tuesday) last lab of the semester before practicum. sigh. ultimate frisbee WOOOOOOOOO.
(wednesday) 5 am shift. sprints. take home test start. sigh. family group WOOOOOOOOOO.
(thursday) 5 am shift. get stuff done. catch up. bible study! ultimate frisbee WOOOOOOOOO.
(friday) 5 am shift. fly to milwaukee. WOOOOOOOOOO.
(saturday) [one of my] best friend's wedding. sigh. and :D
(sunday) panic. because practicum t minus two days.

this semester needs to be over. this summer has been bizarre.

"young adult"

this particular phrase, whether it's a jca thing or it's a commonly used term, has been standing out to me particularly. when i first heard the term i was a little shocked, thinking "well, aren't college students technically 'young adults?'" however, recently i guess i've observed how juvenile college students (myself included) really are. part of it, i think, is due to perception. i think part of it can be explained to the shifts in the generation, where more and more kids have the opportunity to go to college.

at lifeguarding today, one of the staff was getting irritated with people being late. so an e-mail was sent, which i thought was fairly reasonable, and part of me was not surprised that the uproar it caused. i was talking to my friend, and he was getting defensive that he was late because he has to drive from an hour out of town. much as i do feel his pain, i had to argue that it wasn't right, and late is late. a lot of the lifeguards turn the other cheek when it comes to slight tardiness, but i think people often forget that it's the supervisor's grace, and not obligation, about why this happens.

i understand this is a minute deal, but it's these small things that eventually add up. and i get taught that there's a whole lot more patience that i need. and all in all, i think it showed that we all have a lot of growing up to do. and in general, no matter how old we are, we're still children. for good or for bad.

when i was supposed to be
asleep, i found myself glancing
at pictures of not-me,
at their pre-grad lives, dancing
through the times, as if eternity
was a true thing.

and it made me wonder
at all the unfinished works
hindered, forgotten, cast under --
bottled by a stubborn cork
dreams torn asunder
and forgotten.

yet despite the plans that failed
truly, what appeared in its stead,
a quiet, long and winding trail
a story uncertain, unknown, unread
emboldened, and gave a soul unfrail
and ready to not forget.

one thing i love about summer league ultimate is the number of people that bring dogs. and they are always so awesome! at least one of them catches discs. and they're always so HAPPY.

sigh. :D

ultimate

need to:

1. calm down, don't panic. complete the pass.
2. really cut, no banana cuts.
3. cut back into the straight stack.
4. run. run run run.