black jack

i spent my 21st birthday in probably the best style i could (for me).

i went to my classes.
went and led my workout for lifeguarding... and worked out.
finished some assignments.

and then...

PLAYED SUMMER LEAGUE FRISBEE.

and my ankle wasn't bothering me too much. that might not be the case tomorrow, so i'm taking some ibuprofen. but really, the only way to make it better would have been that it was not the summer, and i was in company of more friends. alas, that's what i get for having a romantic birthday (see tanabata on wikipedia). but truly, it's nice to hear "happy birthday" from so many people.

i've realized though, that it really isn't about me. it's about everyone that's been with me for so long in these 21 years. from my parents and family to my friends -- who are pretty much family too. so thank you to them, for these years. and maybe in time i can celebrate the time i've been granted to be in the company of so many incredible people. all of you are awesome, and i can't wait to see everybody in the fall.

also, i learned something about ultimate.

one of the things i respect about ultimate is that it's an "honest sport." as in, it's up to you to make the right calls. if you've been fouled, you call it. but be honest about it, etc. so i definitely got "taken advantage of" today a couple times, partly because of my lack in experience of the sport. a foul was called on me twice, one time the guy ran into me, and i was like "whatever." and didn't contest. the second time i dove to block a hammer (which was pretty sweet, btw), but then someone called a foul for pushing him away. which was bull. and then a girl said that i tackled her. which i dont' think was true, but it was pretty close. so i gave it to them, and was like "whatever."

so, i'm looking at the rules.

but to me, ultimate and tennis will forever be honest sports.
i just can't believe these people who are so... stupid. and competitive.
i just want to say one day to them:

"what are you doing?"

i know this feeling inside of me

i had the best weekend ever. while i spent more time on the road than in iowa, i have to say every hour in iowa was worth three hours on the bus. so to say that, it would've been worth being on the greyhound bus even if i was on the bus for a total of 144 hours. yes, i do mean that.

and for proof, i have no photos to show.

the longer it stays in my memory, the better it gets. and the weekend was pretty damn good.
although, greyhound is not the best way to travel. people have to do it once, but all in all, at the end, you have to conclude that trains and airplanes are the ways to go. or road trips with great friends.

this week though is terrible.

monday i got back from iowa, went straight to lifeguarding. got home around 10:30 or so. proceeded to go to bed. collapse.

tuesday i woke up with stomach-flu-ish. wasn't too fun. although i think it was just the exhaustion from travelling. it happens every time i travel, no matter what. some kind of body shut down thing, i mean. not necessarily a stomach flu. i got to see my dad and jimmy for three hours, and it was very pleasant. and then proceeded to study, and go to lifeguarding again. which wasn't too fun, because i was there until 10 pm again, and everyone was not in the mood to work. me, least of all. so that really aggravated me, i guess, because this was my second time being there for inservice in one week. everyone else only had to be there once. and then when i went back home i was so aggravated i didn't even realize i had the pool keys still with me, so the lifeguards couldn't close the pool. so they had to call my boss to get the spare. and i felt horrible as soon as i found out, and went straight to the pool to put it back. yeah.

wednesday are always terrible for a good portion of it. i have dsp, and dsp lab. i spent most of the day trying to get DSP lab done BEFORE lab so i could go to the orgo review session. which i managed, thankfully. but is always frustrating, because i really don't feel like they explain the material very well. and orgo review was a little overwhelming. the good part was, i understood most of the test. the bad part was, i was making a lot of dumb mistakes on the practice tests. so that was a little disconcerting that i didn't realize. after, family group. which was fairly short. i kind of wish we expanded more on what was said. James 2:1-13, i think it was. and we discussed judging versus rebuking. i got to talk to brandon and hibisca later, though, and that helped organize my thoughts and understand the topic more.
then, proceed to all nighter minus two hrs.

today -- took the orgo test. oh boy. some nice things happened today. i got money! that's always great. and a text in the morning before i took my orgo test. it always makes me feel less nervous when that happens. :)

tomorrow -- dsp test. oh dear.

i can't wait till it's all over tomorrow. and then... hopefully i will have a weekend...?

also, i've started to try and keep track of my spending. i've realized it can really get out of control.
similarly, i've also decided to track my weight, so hopefully i can lose some poundage before end of summer.

before i go into hardcore studying

so... basically, i'm an idiot, and didn't realize that i had an orgo test tomorrow.
fortunately, i've been looking through material, so i'm not as ill-prepared as usual. i went to review today, and understood most of the things going on. so that's a good thing.

i went to family group today. tamara, min-hee, brad (dolphyn), brandon dyer, and jane yoon are all in it, which made it more comfortable for me when talking about what we wanted to get out of family group today at the end to say

"i'm not christian -- but i'm here to get to know more about God."

there are some things that needs to be justified, while at the same time things that i don't feel should really be done so. i don't know how else to put that. i'll come to terms with one or the other.

so. while studying, current playlist consists of four albums and some random songs in between:

"get out of my yard" album, paul gilbert
"liberation transmission" album, lostprophets
"good apollo i'm burning star iv volume one from fear through the eyes of madness" album, coheed and cambria
"the electric joe satriani anthology" album, joe satriani
"panopticon" album, isis
select songs by racer x

i just saw shade alabsa in the library. he's back at tech!

back to studying.

con amor.

oh dear "god help us all" pt. 2

several themes to this --

1. the adventures of blue the bike -- there's "biking," and there's biking. one is from the phrase "it's like learning how to ride a bicycle, you never forget." just because you don't forget doesn't necessarily mean that you suck at it going through it the second or third time around. especially when you start off again on a road bike that's a little big for you. and it doesn't help that the saddle really rides up in the butt. i'm going to have one callused butt by the end of the summer. i now have a U-lock, and a helmet, so i can technically start riding a bike around campus. a couple problems: i'm still not comfortable with stop-and-go's, and i'm still not used to a road bike yet. so i think i'm going to start slow ont his. maybe just ride it in the afternoons after class and get used to it before really going hardcore. that seems like a good idea. and let my butt get used to the hard saddle. jeez. the sexual connotations to that are... wrong.
   
2. there was frisbee, and there was Frisbee. again. same sort of deal. i'm starting to play again, but i'm so out of shape. i don't feel like i contribute as much anymore. and it makes me a little sad because there was a time when i felt like i was bettering myself. i need to be confident again about playing.
3. first jca service i went to without hibisca, janet, stephanie, or rex -- was good. it was a very inspirational talk on trials and hardships. that all in all, we need them so we can grow for Him. i think while it seems like an obvious thing (conflict leads to growth), it's something that we tend to forget. i really liked the service because of that, because p. matt expanded on this. talking about how trials and difficulties reveal to us what we're attached to, how we live in the "now" secular generation, when we really shouldn't be. i'm looking forward to attending more services as the semester goes on. also, looking forward to trying out family group :)
   
4. school is... tough. dsp is a dry class. i don't know what it is that bugs me about it. we have a two hour recitation every week, and the recitation teacher basically spent the first hour and fifteen minutes repeating what our professor told us on the first day of class (prof. clements outlined all of it in 20 mins). it was torture, and a waste of time. the recitation teacher then followed with review. which was slow and detailed, which was a double-edged sword. but, i think it'll help as the semester progresses. so... fingers crossed on that. i like the orgo professor a lot. he's a young guy, makes class interesting by speaking in an engaging manner. i'd like to get to know him. i think i've already mentioned this. hm.
5. i miss people. a lot.
   

god help us all, i've got a bike

so... this summer should be interesting...

i got that bike. it's a little big, but nothing unbearable... except for the seat, and i think that's just default. i used to ride a mountain bike, so riding a road bike is definitely different. it feels fast, and single speed really isn't all that bad. i really really really enjoy it (so far). now i just have to get a helmet and a U-lock before i start using it.

also, having to deal with traffic. that should be interesting.

classes are decent so far. my orgo 1 professor (cameron tyson) is a young guy, makes class really engaging just by the way he talks and the jokes he cracks. which is great, since it's a 2 hour lecture. i want to really do well in his class, and, hopefully, it won't be too bad...? he doesn't curve, at all, supposedly. but he's a lot more organized than sys phys, so it should be more enjoyable. i'm going to break my bad streak with chemistry this summer. i'd like to get to know him too, (a) so he could write a letter of recommendation for me, and (b) because he just seems like an interesting, aweseome guy.

dsp on the other hand... well, the class is boring. let's just face it. but the professor seems to be fresh, too. his research is in speech recognition, and all in all seems like an interesting person. honestly, i'm shooting for a B in this class.

no homeworks due... yet. but due dates are already on the syllabus. and i need a dsp textbook... which i'll receive over the weekend...

goals for this summer.

1. A in organic chemistry, A in DSP (despite my shooting for a B)
2. work out every day at the CRC, lose some poundage, gain some muscles
3. eat healthy, save money.
4. hang out with friends
5. go to jca every sunday, take part in family group
6. tennis
7. frisbee
   

tournament

i just got back from playing at the tennis club's doubles tournament. we lost in the 2nd round, but it was a good match. i wish we played best two out of three sets, but the first three rounds were 8 game pro-set, so it was brief and we really didn't have an opportunity to come back. the first round match was decent, wes and i got a little flustered playing against a pair that kept moon-balling, meaning it took a lot of discipline to win points. if you were watching it, you would've been pretty bored. we figured how to beat them after awhile -- played consistently, and conservatively. our serves were on to, so that made the match a lot easier. i was a little flustered because my volleys were terrible... i had no pace to work with.

2nd round match was one i was happy to lose with. the guys we were playing were a mexican pair that played in the itf (international tennis federation) juniors. one guy had some great volleying skills. i think that really was the difference in why we lost. neither wes nor i were doubles players to begin with and essentially had this week to fix that. we did... but i really think that made the difference. i watched them play until the semis where they lost. it was a great match too -- i think they'd deserve to win, but they were pretty tired i think from the previous matches. i'm looking forward to playing against them again.

it was a great motivator to play tennis again :)

what a day!

the second half of today was awesome. despite having to wait about an hour and a half to use the tennis courts, i think i had the best hour's worth of practice ever. i was hitting very cleanly, and my volleys (for a change) were top-notch. backhand could do some work, but hey. that's what tomorrow is all about. i got to discuss with wes some tactics about doubles. i'm really excited about saturday's tournament. i'm looking forward to practicing some more tomorrow at piedmont park. it's going to be intense.

i also got to listen to hibisca's chamber ensemble pieces today, and they were pretty awesome. the brahms' sonata in a major was very rich (i love brahms) and the poulenc sonata for piano four hands was just incredible. i then got to listen to ted and juli play with two others in a cello quartet prokofiev's humoristisches scherzo, apocalyptica's faraway, and bach's air on the g string. i managed to make it to the chamber ensemble for bill moore hauling butt. i think i managed to get to the couch building in ~15 mins... which i don't think i ever do (seeing as i walk EXTREMELY slowly). i beat the blue route there. of course, i had a head start. but anyway. shh. listening to the chamber ensemble made for a really enjoyable end to the day.

...not that the first half was bad either... no wait, yeah, it was a little bad. i woke up at 4:15 am, greeted john who had just gotten back from his management group project. he was fairly impressed i woke up this early. truthfully, so was i.

so i guarded the pool for four hours, and then did some maintenance, left at 10 am. i was with ross for the four hours of lifeguarding, so, seeing as how chatty ross is, it made those hours fly by real quick. it was a good way to spend the morning. i hope i see some more of him over the summer for frisbee.

after work, i worked out for half an hour. i've started doing assisted chin-ups (seeing as i can't do full chin-ups yet). i can now pull up 145 lbs out of the 200 that i weigh. i'm bummed i still weigh this much, i feel like i've been doing better in terms of eating and working out. i'm hoping eventually, it'll get there when i'm not really looking so hard at the scale. and i'm hoping the scale at the crc was broken by some unusually fat man. even the analog ones.

after i took a shower, i got some lunch with hibisca, and later, ryan and joe. after having a debate about whether jesus was ripped or not -- by the way, lunch tasted AWESOME -- i hung out at woodies briefly before going to 2210. the quiz was a nightmare. the TA completely threw me off when he corrected something on the quiz (i interpreted it one way, and his correction made the problem considerably more complicated, and thus, messed me up). i couldn't finish the problem at all, and i was really flustered. i felt like i understood how to tackle the problem, so i felt cheated of a good grade on my quiz.

and then... after the waiting for an hour and a half to use the courts -- the day got better. so i'm feeling pretty good right now as i prepare to study for my last inorganic test.

it might also help that my colon feels so clear, i feel like i could breathe through my butt. yeah. i just said that. what now.

it's great to be me right now -- and i mean that in the least egotistical way possible. i think?

:)

this is so cliché

jeez. it really is 4 am, and i need to get to bed. i've been studying for stat this entire time. where did the time go? i looked at some dumb problems i knew how to solve for an hour a chapter. it should have taken fifteen minutes per chapter. i should have been asleep 3 hours ago. at least. i'm starting to turn everything into one of those bloody problems. we've really got problems now. get it? GET IT?

i am not a big fan of statistics. blame it on my lack of statistical education, blame it on the fact i was working at the cdc epidemiology department data-cleaning for two and a half months (give or take other activities), and the fact that when i think of "statistics" i still only think about mean, median, mode, range, and recently, the normal distribution/ the bell curve.

i don't like the fact that natural trends can be determined somehow makes sense, but it's been a little disturbing how we all fit into a box. not really a box i suppose. a hill. a tonsil. a bell. i don't want to be below the curve, but i want to be standing on top of it. i want to be that outlier on the q-test that is just within reach that they can't reject me for poor data, and yet, there i am, screwing it up.

i want to make a dinosaur out of a curve. maybe some made up country, and a route to a treasure.

also, to be the butt-end of that really bad pick-up line., that, let's face it, after taking calc, we all can't help but smile a little bit.

ha.

ha.

....ha.

[edit]

musically, some cool pieces have come up recently:

karen gave me some norwegian recycling. i liked the red hot chili peppers/ eagle eye cherry combo.

i'm getting a little more hooked on japanese rock. especially those that come up in anime. oh. dear.

i started listening to some of those old songs by eminem. despite the negativity, the swear words (which i guess counts towards the negativity), and the vile sense of humor (again, negativity?) -- i still like listening to it. it's nice to hear him ranting rather than me i suppose.

"shine on," needtobreathe. "comatose" skillet (though i've already listened to this a ton of times).

old school songs.

i need to get back into volta. and the peppers.

and sleep.

blurb

i woke up this morning at 7 am and continued studying for inorganic.

...wasn't all that exciting -- i'm glad that's done with, though that test could go both ways. ick, inorganic. not that i'm looking forward to organic, though i heard it's more interesting. and biochem......? sys phys has been going pretty well, its' helped to study with a group for that class. i've found that class to be pretty interesting, though lecutre's a bore. statistics is really frustrating at this point... and 2210 sucks up way too much time for it's worth.

still haven't skipped a class this semester. woo!

i did decide (this morning), to listen to some music in the past 24 hours that i've realized were helpful for studying.

1. "kanashimi wo yasashisani" little by little
2. "secret of my heart" kuraki mai
3. "wind" akeboshi
4. "just communication" two mix
5. "melissa" porno graffiti
6. "undo" cool joke
7. "rewrite" asian kung fu generation
8. "haruka kanata" asian kung fu generation
9. "xtc" psychic lover
10. "more" matthew west
11. "dare you to move" switchfoot
12. "everything" lifehouse

funnily enough, a lot of them (so far) are japanese -- all of them opening or closing themes from anim... but expanding to the english rock songs i've grown to love. "more" was a very christian inspirational song. very catchy.

Take a look at the mountains
Stretching a mile high
Take a look at the ocean
Far as your eye can see
And think of Me

Take a look at the desert
Do you feel like a grain of sand?
I am with you wherever
Where you go is where I am

And I'm always thinking of you
Take a look around you
I'm spelling it out one by one

(Chorus)
I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more

Just a face in the city
Just a tear on a crowded street
But you are one in a million
And you belong to Me

And I want you to know
That I'm not letting go
Even when you come undone

Shine for Me
Shine for Me
Shine on, shine on

i think it summarizes christianity in a nutshell.

pandora's great. and (knock on wood) i still haven't gotten any of those advertisements that people complain about. so i really don't know what to think about that. though it certainly could be annoying. i've been hunting for "break" by two mix ... can't find it. driving me crazy.

trying to figure out housing arrangments for summer. at this moment, it's looking like aaron + friend + kevin at north ave north? still not sure about living over on east campus over the summer... though it'd make things easier for living in the fall once again.

anyway.