if they didn't sing, some piss poor music would actually sound great.

¿qué es la revolución?

the longer i'm on facebook, the more i realize how much i loathe it. it started off as such a great concept. college kids only. get together with your old mates. use your college e-mail address to prove it.

to high school kids, it was initiation for what was at hand. it was a mark of new.

...ok, over-dramatization. there are plenty of bad things with this early model. exclusion is extremely elitist and bad. bad bad bad. its temptation is in the people that are NOT there. so, go from college kids to high school, middle school, and really old people, and you have the people that want to be older, and the people that want to be young again and belong to a generation past. i realize this is all very negative, and i think there are a lot of things i'm not communicating here.

once upon a time, facebook was cute and cool. and we all know cool goes down the drain immediately if everyone else gets "in" on it. because the new cool is exclusion. what everyone else is not doing. which makes it really difficult for producers in the economy. because now, xkcd strangely became a sell-out, top chart hits are (well, i guess have been) completely meaningless, and all in all, nothing (did it ever, i suppose) make sense anymore.

anyway, now, the entire world is on facebook.

i wonder if zuckerberg and the world realize that the entire focus of facebook is now gone. history of hit-websites, lesson 1: page stability is built off of consistent, not universal, groups logging onto the site. else, server gets trashed, and everything goes kablooie. lesson 2: putting EVERYTHING POSSIBLE does not help. limitation can be key. see myspace. see why it went kablooie?

we now have a negative feedback loop. i feel like while zuckerberg saw the possibilities of all this, he doesn't realize that he's hit a glass ceiling. "crap. i see the possibilities, but... i just can't get through!" maybe it's me, but are more people making anti-something groups now than they were in the past? yes, we see a lot of rallying, people grouping together... but for what? what are the results? the outcomes? 1,000,000 members for this and this.

how much more useless crap is out there? honestly?

so.

lesson learned.

i wanted to get on facebook because that was where a lot of my old high school buds going to college (or are in college, or graduated in college) were. they would get on facebook and it was a good place to find them. unfortunately, the plan did not succeed in that i do not keep in touch with many of these folks as i anticipated. it's so easy to keep in touch with everybody... but at the same time, the quality is garbage.

it has made me want to return back to e-mails, and letters (snail mail) -- the rate at which this takes place is extremely slow, but encouraging enough with facebook as the taser and receiving emails and letters as the treadmill. while running would not be the most comfortable thing to do, it does get my fat off. and getting tazed is not a comfortable process. therefore, i've realized there are a handful of people i want to remain in contact, and everyone else who i spent minutes amount of energy that i'm not really sure i would if it wasn't for facebook holding on to their information for me.

theory: the amount of energy i put into a letter or an e-mail will give not only tell me, but also make the other person realize, how much they mean to me. on facebook, not so much.

facebook technology has destroyed the quality of relationships that it was supposed to support and build.

so. making a list of who i want to stay in touch with from here on out.
facebook will eventually disappear. letters and e-mails.

so this semester's results when i first looked at my report card:

BMED 3300 (biotransport) - A
BMED 3400 (biomechanics) - B
BMED 3510 (biosystems and modeling) - B
CHEM 2312 (organic chemistry II) - B

so... what's wrong with this?

getting an A in biotransport... how did this happen?

so i e-mailed kemp:

"Dear Dr. Kemp:

When I was looking at my final grades for this class, I was extremely shocked to find that I had received an A in the class. While I'm very happy that I did so, I felt very undeserving, and was wondering how I got this grade."

she later responds:

"You are absolutely right. You earned a solid B in the class. When cross-checking the grades I put into the system, I noticed that I had entered your grade incorrectly and had remedied it at the time, but the changes were not saved by the database. In fairness to the other students, I will be manually changing your grade through the academic office.

I appreciate your honesty in this matter. Your morals will serve you well in life."

it's funny. i was just talking to someone about how all i wanted was a B in transport. that i deserved a C and that i would be ecstatic with a B. and if i got an A, that i would tell kemp that there was clearly a mistake. who would've thought that would actually happen?

part me was debating on whether to say anything or not.
but part of me felt i would not be able to walk on with the thought that i received a grade i didn't deserve.
particularly if it was in my favor. at least failure is closer to the truth.

i wonder though, where all this will take me in life.

college is all about the hidden gem sports

so ons was totally wicked tonight. sigh. to think exams are creeping up, 1 day at a time, at a rate of 24 hours per day, 60 minutes per hour, 60 seconds per minute...

it's not like my team won anything this time around either. but playing frisbee was so liberating.
and then watching whatever you can get to the dream team winning frisbee. sigh.

and then dodgeball. ohmygod, it was so epic.
eddie and ryan sniping noobs.
travis with his sneaky dodging skills. and katina too. though she admittedly threw like a girl.
some random kid janiel (sp?) who used sneaky trap skills to lure a noob opponent, and TAKE HIM DOWN. oh my gosh. play of the night.
and i have to admit, i had some great moments too. took a couple guys down by throw, and took a couple by catch. sigh. oh dodgeball.

we need to play japanese dodgeball. that junk is intense too. it's a variation (apparently) called prison ball. look it up on wikipedia. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dodgeball_variations)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkPpfUtu1VQ -- the only link i found that showed what dodgeball i played used to be like.


i need to go to bed...

time is merciless during dead week. especially when you're sick.

why, sequels!? WHY!?

i'm a little upset that terry brooks has decided to pick back up the magic kingdom of lanover series. to me, it ended with the fifth book (witches' brew), so i am choosing to deny the existence of this new nonsense sixth book. sigh.

this is when i feel old.

i remember reading these books in my library in high school. and my library had a very modest collection of books too. oh, lloyd alexander and terry brooks. oh brian jacques and david eddings. as you can tell, i'm a sucker for fantasy novels... i've missed them so.

christmas will certainly be about books this year. lots and lots of books. and movies? mayhaps.

as thanksgiving passes, things i am indeed thankful for

(in no particular order)

1. family (for the most part)
   
2. friends that are family
3. friends' family that are equivalent of family
4. hibisca
   
5. georgia tech (besides its big shaft, allowing me to meet aforementioned friends, coach paul johnson who can be said to not only go on 4th and inches, but 4th and lots of yards, classes that are pretty cool, and so on and so forth)
6. frisbee
7. tennis
8. jca

at present, i can also mention being thankful for getting biotransport done with minimum care and just enough concentration such that i refuse to think about it anymore before it is due at 8 am tomorrow morning, thankyouverymuch.

sigh.

two weeks until christmas break.

i died laughing today.

it felt great.

good grief

test in an hour.
then need to start studying for biomechanics, and start/finish biotransport project.
fun time this weekend? not so much.
i hope i can sleep.
well, at least there's frisbee. and a little fun?

goodbye, daylight.

fitness goals

for the rest of the semester:

- exercise at least one hour six times a week, regardless of if it's at the crc. i've got workouts i can do in the apartment, i'm going to do those. cardio three to five times a week, of which:

• 2 of them must be swimming
• 2 of them must be in the morning (almost) first thing.
• 1 of them must be running
  

- limit sodas to 36 oz. in a week (3 x 12 oz.). otherwise, water. and coffee when needed.
- eat salad every day.
- no hamburgers.

while this seems very sudden, i've realized that it's only a minor tweak in what i'm doing now. generally now, i've been working out three or four times a week:

monday: new, but recently started working out with ej on jumping.
tuesday: workout, weights. have not regularly missed.
wednesday: new, on and off -- sprint workouts (has not happened for a week)
thursday: workout, weights. have not regularly missed.
friday: lifeguard workouts, frisbee sometimes?
saturday: none -- supposed to sprint.
sunday: none

i've picked up some workouts i could do in my room. i just need to be exercising. and i want to. i just want to set these goals so at least i have some kind of accountability (i.e. you guys).
eating is probably the biggest challenge, especially with the dining hall. but hey they have salad, and i could stick to sandwiches. that would be healthy.

i haven't had much luck losing weight this semester. i've realized it's a lot harder, with some of the late nights and morning shifts, etc. and some of the minus habits of my eating. so... let's see if i can reform that.

times like these, you realize how invaluable freshman frisbee was. in caldwell. eddie knocking on the doors to tell us it's frisbee time (and no longer a choice but necessity).

time to get back to that.

this was inspired, after i realized that i am borderline obese.
sigh. so depressing. where are you tennis, frisbee, swimming???????

1-2 for orgo.

come on man, gotta get my act together.

"how to get ups," by ej layne

halle-freakin-lujah. i'm finally going to learn how to increase vert. hopefully.

mondays 2:30 to 3:30 i'm working out with ej on how to jump.
it was pretty funny to realize that i have never, since i was born, known how to jump. good to learn now.
i'm hoping this will inspire losing weight too.

o-chem test 4 and biotrans are now a thing of the past.

now for the rest of the week...

i do believe things got done this weekend.

good lord. what a weekend of work. am i going to actually last this week?

so this week's schedule for schoolwork:

monday: biotransport, orgo 2 test
tuesday: biomechanics hw, meet with lohitash about research again
wednesday: phew.
thursday: phew??... oh. nope, because...
friday: biotransport exam, 3510 assignment due

i spent wed/thurs/fri working on biotransport assignment. and like the other, it was a load of crap. managed to get it done at 10:30 on friday. my mind was pretty fried after that. managed to squeeze in 30 mins of frisbee.

sat/sun was working on orgo 2. surprisingly feel good about the material... i think.

in other news:

i'm going to try nanowrimo. the general goal will not be to complete 50,000 words.
instead it will be to consistently write for the next thirty days...

it's time like these...

it's time like these that i really wish i was back at home.
times when i could get back, and go lie on the grass with the dogs.
when in the summer i could just spend all day in the library, just reading a book.
when i could watch the english premier league on tv like no other. or watch tennis.
or walk less than three minutes to practice serves on the school tennis courts.
man. it's times like these that i wish tech would give us an extra weekend.
really hang out with people.
i really need to learn how to drive. and then obtain a car.

sigh.

i need a good week.

on the bright side, got biotransport done. now i've got two whole days to work on orgo 2.
time to read a book. maybe watch a movie on the laptop. and sleep.

it keeps you runnin' yeah it keeps you runnin

so i think this whole inspiration of running is due to henry detamble.

go figure.

he's kind of my hero.
that book keeps coming back in my mind. i do need to read it again.

i still maintain the ending wasn't the greatest. but the story was definitely interesting.

now, off to neil gaiman.

all i want to do lately:

-running
-frisbee
-tennis
-not work

now under 210 lbs (207 to be exact)! 7 more lbs to go until i reach my goal...

performance (of common sense, and life in general) of each following generation (particularly males) can be written as a function of f(x) = -x^2 + c

so i did say at some point that i had more on the story of the lowerclassman.

so the previous sunday, i get an e-mail thus:

"I need to do this career research project for GT 1000, and part of it involves interviewing an upperclassman about their major. I'm technically supposed to do a face-to-face interview, but I have a lot of stuff to do for tomorrow, so sent these questions. If you would prefer to do a real interview, I don't really care. If you could just get back to me with your responses today that would be great. Thanks a ton"

a lot of things about this e-mail didn't make me happy.

1. he gives me a deadline of less than 24 hours (biggest thing that really ticked me off)
   
2. the phrase "if you would prefer to do a real interview, i don't really care." you know, honestly, that's not really for me to decide. and you probably shouldn't have disclosed it as such.
   
3. if you knew you were going to be this busy, honestly, what took you so long? especially if you knew you had to do some research, and you needed to arrange the time with someone?
4. the phrase "thanks very much, i'm really sorry for the inconvenience caused" would have been nice. at least polite.
   

i initially planned to completely ignore his e-mail, because i felt like it was completely irresponsible on his side, and i felt like i was being taken advantage of. he tried to chat to me a couple times, completely ignored it. i was pretty close to being a successful jerk (and ended up being only partial) after the better voices overcame the bitter demons.

so at 10 pm, as i'm about to head to bed, i get up, finish that stupid set of questions. this involved:

1. attempting to convert his file from .doc to .docx, after requesting from this kid to do it for me. all attempts virtually failed, and what should have been a 2 min operation turned into 30 minutes of waiting to convert.
2. writing responses with at least some detail and elaboraton, which took 30 mins.
3. writing the following angry e-mail, because honestly, i thought it was definitely something that he needd to learn:

"For future reference:
I would be more than happy to help you, but please respect the fact that I am extremely busy. Don't expect me to quickly respond to your e-mails, and please, for the love of God, don't leave things to the last minute like this, and give me a deadline of less than 24 hours. It's offensive, infuriating, and rude, and you'll either learn it the easy way or the hard way that pulling this kind of stunt will not put you in a good spot for your future.

I'm typically a nice person, but please, don't test me. I am an upperclassmen, I do deserve some respect at least. Please don't put anything off like this again if you need help from me."

granted, i might have been a little excessive, but i tried to filter out as best as i can the sheer and utter frustration i had. i was surprisingly pissed off about this whole thing, despite the fact that it should have been just a mild annoyance. honestly though, i know i was irresponsible as a freshman. but i'm pretty sure i knew what to say, and how to treat an upperclassmen.

it didn't get any better when he then responded, a day later, after i was late to work because i was doing this thing for him:

"Yeah, I know, Im really sorry about the whole thing. My Gt 1000 class is really disorganized and my instructor doesnt really give instructions about when things are assigned. I totally understand where you are coming from and being aggravated and busy, because I am busy too and this is the last thing I wanted to be doing. But once again, I am very appreciative of your help and will never do this again. It's good to have a contact in upperclassmen that I can give questions to. I apologize for the inconvenience, and have learned to never pull crap like this again."

i feel like he doesn't quite get it.

1. it's his fault. entirely. doesn't matter the disorganization of the gt1000 instructor, but all i really needed was a couple days' notice. all that i need.
2. i don't think he fully understand the meaning of busy.
3. "appreciative of your help." really? REALLY?

agh. freshman. why do you have to be an idiot?

and the more i think about it, the more i'm convinced that each year that graduates high school and goes off to college lack common sense and likelihood of surviving in the real word. and to think what older generation thinks of our own, imagine what they think about these kids.

seriously dude. where are you?

shune --

get your act together.

thanks.
shune

week of oct 26

so the next week is going to be a trial and three quarters.

things actually due/happening next week:
-lifeguard inservice (mon)
-biosys meeting w/ group (tues)
-biomechanics hw (thurs)
-biosystems and modeling (fri)

things i need to do additionally for this week to prepare for the following week:
-study orgo 2
-get matlab assignment done for biotransport (by friday, so i can hardcore study for orgo)

things i need to maintain next week:
-work out
-fg
-sanity

sigh.

i forgot about this until just a couple hours ago:

"for we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities,
against powers,
against the rulers of the darkness of the world,
against spiritual wickedness in high places."

it hit home today.

i gave my first "talking-to"/ scold/ e-mail bitchslap today at a lower-classmen...

more on the story to follow. i just wanted to express how while it alleviated much, and while i tried to put it as nicely as possible, it wasn't as satisfying as i thought it would be...

granted, i was stupid as a freshman. but i feel like i was still wise about it and didn't piss too many people off...?

go figure.

it's been awhile since i've posted...

but it's been great so far.

the fall break was great. friday i got to go up to the top of the ford (ES&T building) at night and hang out. cigars are nice. saturday i got to just hang out and do almost nada. really, i think i hardly left the apartment. sunday i went to church, got some lunch, and then... really let my brain rot. yesterday i got to play some frisbee for practice, and got some new clothes from target. yes, i sound like a woman. but i desperately needed shorts (had 0 pairs) and jeans (both have holes in awkward locations). so i got some shorts for about 10 dollars each. good deal. although winter is approaching.grab yo pheet is in the intramurals independent league finals!!! and we're playing joe's team i'm really pumped about that, no more nervousness from here on out, it's just do the best we can and have fun doing it -- something we've been doing throughout, but really, this is where it's all just smiles for me. i'm really excited and no matter what the outcome... it's going to be a great night.

part of me is starting to feel the anguish that key members will be gone.
but it only means there's no turning back now, we just have to keep playing. and i do. i want to keep playing with this team that i am so proud to be part of.

on another note, i just finished the time traveler's wife. i disagree with the way it ended, but it was a great book. and i feel this emptiness from having finished it, after having it with me for about a month now, reading it. i usually finish books so much sooner, and maybe the additional time spent has given me some attachment to it.

but on the bright side, it makes me want to read more books now.

love languages

gary chapman is an author of the series "five language of love" (or something to that effect). according to this man, those five are:

-quality time
-words of affirmation
-giving/ receiving gifts
-physical touch
-acts of service

i think they're fairly self-explanatory, and fairly accurate ways to divide them out. my room has been discussing this a bit lately, while elyse is in the room talking about it. i'm primarily one who is physical touch (no surprise there..). phil was quality time. chris was acts of service. john is yet to be determined, but i'm guessing it's either words of affirmation or acts of service. i think? the concept is interesting, and if anything, gives me a direction to understand how to love people better. and i feel like that is something i want to work on more this year (and continuing on to forever).

i feel like this weekend has been a lot about love, for some reason.

i love my life.
i love my friends.
i love grab yo pheet.
i love hibisca.

grab yo pheet

so... lessons of today.

i need to chill out.

i think today's over-excitement was due to:

1. not having played at all this season yet.
2. my general distrust/ disapproval towards fraternities.
3. not having played at all this season yet.

we won today 11 - 1. it was another day of mercy-ruling.

i have awesome teammates.
eddie. travis. dan gempesaw. nate. alain. ej. phil. alex. brad. sidd. ross. aaron. graydon. basil. gabe. james. ben.

they're all so damn good.
i now just

need to chill.

it's a little discouraging when people don't show up to practice.
3, 4 seems like it's acceptable. i can understand when people tell me when they don't make it.
but straight out missing seems outright irresponsible.

i guess despite the fact it's IM, people still want to win. and once a week doesn't seem like it's asking for much.
i've asked when people want to play, can play. no feedback.

today, less than half the team showed up.

couldn't really do much with it.

i have a slight cold, i'm tired, i have other things i could be doing too.

missing another game tomorrow, but another game at 11 pm. so finally i'll get to play.

i don't know if i'm putting too much responsibility on myself or not.

i enjoy the presence of people so it was great that we had eight other people there.
but i also feel like if i put the effort, people should too.

sigh.

i'm going to bed.

the first 3 weeks have not been exactly what i have wanted them to be.

week 1 involved the sick puppies concert, which can only be said as phenomenal, and i have most definitely not gone to a better concert since breaking benjamin in freshman year. it seemed appropriate to have in senior year one of the best concerts again with one of my best friends in college, with whom i shared my first (and best) concert experience with. it was fairly low key place, we were maybe three feet or less away from the bands that played. one guitarist was showing off, and all i could think of was, my buddy stuart could smoke this guy in a riff-off any day. in other news, the bassist of sick puppies was insanely good. what a great concert.

however, classes have not been so good.

but i do know that all i need to do is really, just step it up.
orgo 2 test 1 was an epic fail. i think it was proof i have not quite gotten into the swing of things yet. so i will. i need to catch up in biotransport. i understand nothing in that class so far.

frisbee has felt empty. i miss colin. i miss karen. but it's so nice to be able to play with dan gempesaw and nate, and alain, and some other new faces. i'm going to miss some of the faces that won't be here after this year. there are a lot of regrets, and i feel like the choice i made prevented other people that would have been awesome to play with from playing on our team. i feel like i've caused unnecessary drama. but that blew away, and now we're onto practices. it's great to have people that come, encouraging that we have a fairly high turnout. i have doubts about some of the few that haven't shown up. but... it's intramurals. i guess i keep wanting to do better than the previous years'. it would be awesome to get to the school championships. and it would be awesome to get to play against joe's team in the finals.

... it could happen...

and, it frustrates me i haven't been able to play the first two games... it's so lame.

stephanie and rex are leaving so soon, and how much time has passed really hit me. so much seems to have passed in a blink of an eye. i miss the old room 214. i sincerely hope there are still times to come where we can spend time again. together.

now.
to time traveler's wife.

( - man card?)

all the days are hurryin' by, when you're in love, my, how they fly...

so after singapore, johannesburg OR Tambo airport is completely different.

singapore offered great quality service (from food to transit hotels) for a very reasonable, almost cheap, price.
the airport is huge. you could never be bored there. they have some activity you can partake in at all hours. from video games to food to transit hotels to physical games to... the list honestly goes on and on. i was at the transit hotel, which offered 6 hours for USD$20. this gave me access to internet, a gym, shower, all you can eat snacks, and a very comfortable lounge. did i mention how safe singapore is, and how amazing the place is?

johannesburg's airport, on the other hand, is a place i would prefer not to be stuck at for 12 hours (unlike singapore). i checked out the transit hotel, which offered a package for USD$12o. that was the only service they offered. what did that 120 dollars give me?

a bed.

i asked the reception lady if she would pay that money if she was in my position. she said yes. of course it might have been a smartass question on my part (she didn't look too happy in general), but honestly? can anyone call BS?

so i'm at a cafe overlooking the OR Tambo runway and gates. the african morning is beautiful, and i feel like i got the better end of whatever deal. i'm at this news cafe and i think i've befriende the waitress. of course, it's hit and miss at this airport too. it's sad -- the mentality you should have for service in africa should not be too high. you really need to be chill. which isn't a bad quality. but you have to wonder... what a shocker it will be for the whole world for world cup. cynical, i know. but seriously.

but boy, do i love the african sky. i can't help but look up, whether it's sunny or not. during the dry season, it's this big gaping blue, hypnotic. you feel consumed by it. and there's a sense of belonging. and during the rainy season, the gray rain clouds... there's something more dramatic than anywhere else. and take a breath of zambian air. oh me oh my. how some things never change. and how i wish some things never would.

much as i say that i probably will never find myself living in africa ever again, people are right in saying that there will always be a part that will always be longing and will always belong.

is it bad that at some point everyday, i sing "i'm on a boat?"

andrew mcmahon -- please make another album that was as good as "everything in transit." i need something that was as moving as "bruised." and as rocking as "mixed tape."

alter bridge -- is "broken wings" the best song you'll ever make? not that i'm complaining, but still...

boys like girls -- is it bad that i enjoy listening to you?

linkin park -- what happened to you?

mars volta, coheed and cambria -- i wish i could memorize all your lyrics.

owl city -- the more i listen to you, the more you grow on me.

thirsty merc -- where are you?

breaking benjamin -- new album. next concert? count me in.

sick puppies concert aug 19th. loft. let's go!

so much good music... :D

pooped

so...

i think i'm about ready to head back.

two of the three days since i've been in japan have involved trips to different doctors:
- at the dentist, i got two of my wisdom teeth taken out
-at the ENT (ears nose throat) i got a tube and saline solution shoved up my nose
-went to the dermatologist today (that wasn't so bad)

tomorrow, i'm going to the doctors for asthma medications...

all in all, it's been a very relaxing time though (surprisingly).
been sleeping plenty. and reading.

not a whole lot of exercising...

sigh.

travels...

it's been a pretty long few days.

my exams ended a week ago. i was glad that dsp is over, i managed to be 6 points above average and got a B in the class. thank god. organic chemistry on the other hand was a bit of a bummer. i'm pretty sure i ended with a B in that too, even though i feel like i've put a lot more effort into the class than to end up with something less than an A. i feel like it's been a general upward trend this entire semester -- going from 54, 80, 78, 81, 97... i walked out of the final exam feeling like i was lucky to maintain a B in the class. i felt a little cheated i guess. i wasn't sure how else i could have studied better for that final. i got an 84 on the final i found out (which means that i did pass the class with a B). but still... after all that...

and for a change, my parents understood i actually studied my butt off, and that a B was good. thank goodness.

so after tuesday, i got to hang out with phil in orlando, which was awesome. their family is so awesome. got back to atl after that on friday, had to figure out how to move into north ave (whole fiasco about not being able to move in, blah blah blah) because the south building isnt' even remotely ready for people (paint jobs not done etc. etc.). so i got to move the majority of my stuff to the south hall director's office. glad that worked out, and he was cool with that... so got that all done by saturday, which was when i was leaving.

so saturday night, our flight got delayed by an hour and a half -- the flight was fine, but it meant that we missed our 7:55 pm flight back to zambia in south africa -- which was the last flight that day. so we had to try and get the 6:30 am flight back the next day. the problem with this is that we had to get back to the airport at 4:30 in the morning. if it was just that, there would be no problem. but we were initially promised that we had a seat on that morning flight, and then we got back at 4:30 only to be told we didn't. so it flip flopped, and that was NOT what we wanted to hear that early in the morning... especially with my brother and dad around.

so. got back a little later than expected. burned most of the day back sleeping. so i had one real full day in zambia. and it was pretty quiet. i don't think a lot of people were back -- especially some of my best friends -- so i didn't really bother.

so now, i'm en route to to japan to see my grandparents. i'm the last two hours of my 18 hour layover in singapore. which has been very relaxing (my mom got me a decent priced one night reservation at a hotel, so that made this a whole lot easier). and the food was good too. i got to the airport a couple hours ago. they had this really cool trampoline basketball bungie thing going on, where you had two people attached to a bungie cord vest thingie, and they basically had to tug at each other to shoot in the other's hoop (we had one minute). i got to try it out, and i had a significant weight advantage to my opponent... i was leading 2-0 until the balloon-basket thing started to shake too much, and i was too nervous to jump... so i tied 2-2. i just stopped shaking, it took a lot, surprisingly.

actually, eddie -- i was thinking how it would be a pretty epic battle between you and me. maybe? it would be hilarious, seeing as we're about the same size (you're lighter now, but hey, i'm working on getting there too :) )

anyway, off to japan.

i need to write more often so i don't have all these novels...

it's been a good day. kind of.

there were aspects of it anyway, that were great.

for example:

shift today -- most chill shift ever from 5 am to 9 am.
later, kind of got MATLAB dsp stuff done. kind of, but similarly not really.
orgo homework doesn't look as bad as it originally did. but i still need to work on it.
summer league ultimate was so much fun today. i felt like i was moving really really well considering. and i feel a little more confident with my flicks again. though i still think i tense up, and that results in the disc blading. but i feel like intramurals will be great this year.
there are aspects of it that i still need to consider -- for example, what's with all these guys i want to play with being on the club team? but that will work itself out. maybe??

we're going to play so well this year. eddie, get better soon.

vent

call it being naïve. but i didn't realize office politics comes up everywhere.

and it really sucks working under bosses that you really don't want to work under.
and hypocrisy is terrible. absolutely terrible.

also, i don't hide my aggravation very well. nor do i do a very good job of diffusing it. i really need to work on that. containing is a BAD plan. especially since i think my anger function is like a big giant infinite while loop without an n + 1 command at the end of it. infinite while loop ftw (not really).

side note: if MATLAB comes up in my blog, you know it's bad news. especially those that know how much i hate programming in general.

i'm going to stop before i go on a swearing spree.
i need to go to bed. i feel like a giant 5 year old who needs his naptime.

with a little more potential collateral damage.

black jack

i spent my 21st birthday in probably the best style i could (for me).

i went to my classes.
went and led my workout for lifeguarding... and worked out.
finished some assignments.

and then...

PLAYED SUMMER LEAGUE FRISBEE.

and my ankle wasn't bothering me too much. that might not be the case tomorrow, so i'm taking some ibuprofen. but really, the only way to make it better would have been that it was not the summer, and i was in company of more friends. alas, that's what i get for having a romantic birthday (see tanabata on wikipedia). but truly, it's nice to hear "happy birthday" from so many people.

i've realized though, that it really isn't about me. it's about everyone that's been with me for so long in these 21 years. from my parents and family to my friends -- who are pretty much family too. so thank you to them, for these years. and maybe in time i can celebrate the time i've been granted to be in the company of so many incredible people. all of you are awesome, and i can't wait to see everybody in the fall.

also, i learned something about ultimate.

one of the things i respect about ultimate is that it's an "honest sport." as in, it's up to you to make the right calls. if you've been fouled, you call it. but be honest about it, etc. so i definitely got "taken advantage of" today a couple times, partly because of my lack in experience of the sport. a foul was called on me twice, one time the guy ran into me, and i was like "whatever." and didn't contest. the second time i dove to block a hammer (which was pretty sweet, btw), but then someone called a foul for pushing him away. which was bull. and then a girl said that i tackled her. which i dont' think was true, but it was pretty close. so i gave it to them, and was like "whatever."

so, i'm looking at the rules.

but to me, ultimate and tennis will forever be honest sports.
i just can't believe these people who are so... stupid. and competitive.
i just want to say one day to them:

"what are you doing?"

running

i don't enjoy running, but i enjoy the feeling of having run.

i don't enjoy running but i appreciate the feeling of having accomplished something.

i don't enjoy running, but i appreciate the fact the running will be useful for tennis, and frisbee next season.

i don't enjoy running, but i still want to push myself to my limits.

i don't enjoy running, but it certainly is a good way to let your brain recuperate after having stuck it in a virtual microwave of tests and homework.

...you know what?

i enjoy running.

for the first time since it's started i've actually found some time to watch wimbledon this year.
presently, watching juan carlos ferrero and fernando gonzalez playing. it's like back in the day.

times have changed.

i still remember watching the old heroes. my old heroes.

marat safin. andre agassi. carlos moya. james blake.
those guys were so amazing. agassi's gone now, safin's thinking of retiring. moya is MIA.
well, at least i've got blake.

times have changed.

but boy, i love wmbledon.

i know this feeling inside of me

i had the best weekend ever. while i spent more time on the road than in iowa, i have to say every hour in iowa was worth three hours on the bus. so to say that, it would've been worth being on the greyhound bus even if i was on the bus for a total of 144 hours. yes, i do mean that.

and for proof, i have no photos to show.

the longer it stays in my memory, the better it gets. and the weekend was pretty damn good.
although, greyhound is not the best way to travel. people have to do it once, but all in all, at the end, you have to conclude that trains and airplanes are the ways to go. or road trips with great friends.

this week though is terrible.

monday i got back from iowa, went straight to lifeguarding. got home around 10:30 or so. proceeded to go to bed. collapse.

tuesday i woke up with stomach-flu-ish. wasn't too fun. although i think it was just the exhaustion from travelling. it happens every time i travel, no matter what. some kind of body shut down thing, i mean. not necessarily a stomach flu. i got to see my dad and jimmy for three hours, and it was very pleasant. and then proceeded to study, and go to lifeguarding again. which wasn't too fun, because i was there until 10 pm again, and everyone was not in the mood to work. me, least of all. so that really aggravated me, i guess, because this was my second time being there for inservice in one week. everyone else only had to be there once. and then when i went back home i was so aggravated i didn't even realize i had the pool keys still with me, so the lifeguards couldn't close the pool. so they had to call my boss to get the spare. and i felt horrible as soon as i found out, and went straight to the pool to put it back. yeah.

wednesday are always terrible for a good portion of it. i have dsp, and dsp lab. i spent most of the day trying to get DSP lab done BEFORE lab so i could go to the orgo review session. which i managed, thankfully. but is always frustrating, because i really don't feel like they explain the material very well. and orgo review was a little overwhelming. the good part was, i understood most of the test. the bad part was, i was making a lot of dumb mistakes on the practice tests. so that was a little disconcerting that i didn't realize. after, family group. which was fairly short. i kind of wish we expanded more on what was said. James 2:1-13, i think it was. and we discussed judging versus rebuking. i got to talk to brandon and hibisca later, though, and that helped organize my thoughts and understand the topic more.
then, proceed to all nighter minus two hrs.

today -- took the orgo test. oh boy. some nice things happened today. i got money! that's always great. and a text in the morning before i took my orgo test. it always makes me feel less nervous when that happens. :)

tomorrow -- dsp test. oh dear.

i can't wait till it's all over tomorrow. and then... hopefully i will have a weekend...?

also, i've started to try and keep track of my spending. i've realized it can really get out of control.
similarly, i've also decided to track my weight, so hopefully i can lose some poundage before end of summer.

mere church?

this is going to be long, seeing as it's an accumulation of organized thoughts in response to from about a month ago (more or less).

i go to church, and have started to attend bible studies, because i want to know more about God. because i really do not know. i've always been curious about it, it feels like. i've always been surrounded by the christian faith, from when i was 2 onward. i never really went to church aside from about a month or two in my life when i went with my dad to a friends' and fellowship (quaker) gathering, and going with my friends to church on sundays after i spend a night at their place. the curiosity has particularly grown more recently, after reading c.s. lewis' screwtape letters (and sort of kinda of working my way into mere christianity). so before this summer, occasionally i would go to get to know more about it.

i walked into jca on a few occasions in the past three years and have never, truly been turned a christian. i've walked into churches every so often in the past decade, have listened to sermons. i've been to bible studies a couple times before. and you know, after all that, i've never truly felt like i wanted to become a christian. i was once an atheist, or more to say, i hated God. i had that bruce almighty mentality of "God is a kid with a magnifying glass, and i'm the ant."

after awhile, i realized atheism is definitely not the right word that i was aiming for (since atheism, you know, would deny the existence of a God). and that's what the cool kids back in the day used to do. that was middle school, early high school. in between my going to bible study in an attempt to appease this God, similarly. i was a confused, confused child.

so at some point, i walked away from that. it must have been puberty. really. i never had that angst for my parents, even when i listened to punk rock groups. i didn't stir up too many waves.

i came to college without too much opinion on religion. i did think that going to church every so often was a good thing. so you know, i discovered jca in freshman year, and occasionally went. i've never been to a church like it before.

it's a college-aimed church, which would be fairly evident considering services are at georgia tech. but there are so many asians! it took me by surprise at first, and put me a little off. but you know, there's a reason why first impressions never really make it.

the rock-esque praise songs took me by surprise, as i found myself tapping my feet to the rhythm of it. the guitar, the bass, the drums, the singers... all of this with the singing from the architecture lecture hall (where service was being held) made at first for, essentially, a mellower rock concert. which was awesome (me, being the avid music fan that i am). but that isn't spiritual, these people aren't here just because of that. these people truly want to reach out to God.

my favorite moment in there (one of my most memorable moments) was actually the first time i went to jca with hibisca. sophia was standing in the front end of the lecture hall, three or four rows away from the very front. eyes closed, arms spread out, and singing. she was spinning around every so often, and it's clear that she's like that little child enjoying being enveloped by the rain -- a sort of bliss and happiness that you hardly ever see. it blows me away, even today, when people are so touched by what they sing, and to whom they sing it to. and just for me to sing it gives me shivers. Shivers.

it's such an integral part of some peoples' lives. presented so openly before us, that some would go on right ahead and beat at it, smash at it. those that think they have the perfect story of these peoples' religion without ever talking to them about it. it's such a shame.

none of this is to say that i am a christian. to assume automatically would be understandable. but to clarify, i am still not. and so (yet, still, etc.) why not go to church? it's always been a standing offer for other folk to come to the church. so i've been going every so often. from day one, i've found pastor matt to be a great speaker from the day i started going. and he's always had some interesting points to bring out. it's great to have the reminders of how one can live. and let's face it, shouldn't we have someone to point us the right way every so often? aren't we constantly reminded in one way or another how we should act? in a book, by a friend, by some random action on the street, sometime in our life? why not get it from another source, why push away when there's this opportunity right here? why not from a pastor? even statistics should say (by the normal curve) that there has GOT to be someone who's got sensible things to say. and one like pastor matt as engaging as he as well -- it' s rare to find a combination like him, and i'm certainly fortunate that we've crossed paths.

yes, he is a pastor, and he does talk about the Bible (as he should, seeing as that's his job). and the whole talk of God still does make me wince once in awhile. but you know, being out of my comfort zone has been rewarding.

my purpose that i go to jca and bible study is to achieve the following:

• continue to remind myself about some of the virtues and morals of a good human being.

• get to learn more about God and His ways -- because i've never known or understood. and someday, i'd like to read the torah and the qu'ran too. and if i can manage some other religious readings. part of this is so i can understand all these religions. this has sparked from the many megaphone christians and the demonstrating christians on tech campus, who i refuse to believe that my friends, my dear friends are part of these people who i cannot see as being right. the words of martin buber always stick out when i pass these folk by:

"at times, the atheist staring from his attic window is closer to God than the believer caught up in his own false image of God."

• rock on to the good music, and be surrounded by these people that are so into the music, be a part of it in some small way, and sing. it's so nice to be able to sing.

none of us know the answer. so it is awfully nice to get some clues and hints as to how to live in some manageable form. i like getting pointed to some direction and deciding if that's a direction i want to go. or to just keep in mind about, because i know with my memory and my ditziness, being reminded is a nice thing. keeping an open mind. i know i can be a hypocrite, we all can be. but i keep convinced that maybe if i hear about how i could be better, if i could think about it, and weigh all my decisions (which won't exactly happen, but to attempt would be better than none). some of the things that i've been reminded about have been so eloquently put!

and my mind isn't automatically to "do everything church tells me to do."

there is a thinking process.

yeah, i know, it's really crazy -- i do have a brain. rené descrates, cogito ergo sum.

and at times, i need someone to tell me that i'm on the right track. funny, seeing as i'm listening to a christian pastor, and the only way that i can really be on the right track is to believe in God. but i'm taking the God part out, and finding myself "on the right track." to what? i guess being someone decent.

for example:

andy stanley's "staying in love" sermon has beautiful points. i love listening to him (after getting suggestions from shawty). philippians 2:3. and how falling in love needs a pulse, but staying in love needs a plan. making love a verb.

pastor matt's current sermons on the book of James. we all go through trials, this is how we grow. to be able to resist temptations that lead to sin (christian or otherwise), and endure whatever trials before us will make us better.

i don't really have a lot of examples at this moment. these two points are currently what i'm listening to. hopefully i can remember some others as the years go by. i guess we'll see.

aren't some of the things in the Bible true? doesn't it have a point? and you know, we do forget. and if these fellas have been having this kind of problem 2000 years ago plus (i guess?), then we might as well relate to it. and it might feel a little better to know they've got something figured out something anyway. i'll take advice from them.

they are, you know, my (great-great-great-great-great-great-great)^(great^2) grandfolk. i suppose.

i hope i can learn more, bit by bit.

i don't expect to become a christian, but if in the process i do become one, then so be it, that's the way it goes. what i don't want to take up some religion in the spirit of Pascal's Wager. at the very least, i'd like to know what i'm getting myself into.

it's been a great weekend, after a horrible week.

monday -- had to work on dsp lab because i was going to spend tuesday for a good three hours in our opening summer ultimate league. which was good, because for the most part we finished, and my lab partner finished it. spent the previous weekend in addition to working virtually on the dsp homework, which i've discovered take a fair amount of time. then, started studying for orgo... and also orgo homework.

tuesday -- byke phailz. spent a good portion of time studying for orgo, so that i could play ultimate. was initially going to not go to the review session for the orgo test on thursday, but then at the last minute decided against the idea. good karma? hm. so on the way back from the orgo review session, i guess i was a little dazed and mentally tired. so i was going downhill on my bike by klaus, the baseball stadium, arch building, etc. and i was going pretty fast. whether it was because i wasn't paying attention to the curve coming ahead or because i misjudged my speed and turn that i was about to make (or both). so i barely missed the turn, wiped out on the curb of pike and phi-mu. i was definitely bleeding a lot. seriously, one moment i was fine, next moment i was on the ground, and then, both of my shins were covered in blood. and parts of my shoe. and the small little bushy things on the edge of the sidewalk. fortunately, there was a baseball player that saw the whole thing, and he had the coach take me into the locker room and let me clean up a bit (i.e. get bandaged up, wash off some blood, get some antiseptic). and then i biked back to my room. afterward, i took a shower and washed the rest of the blood off. afterward, aaron and burger saw my cut, saw it was pretty deep, and after some debate (where my position was to not) go to the ER. i got some vicodin, lidocaine, and five stitches due to the cut i got back. it took a total of four hours, i believe, at emory crawford long. in the midst of it, aaron was fairly entertained, as apparently, i was pretty hopped up on the vicodin.

to my defense, i felt like my being intrigued to stitches being put on, and the many ridiculous cheery jokes i made while they were injecting saline into me and what not was fairly normal me.

so wednesday was definitely crunch time. between going to the health services and negotiating with my professors for extra time for my test (or something, anyway. i COULD settle for a different date after my hand had some remote time to heal). orgo professor gave me an extra 30 mins to work on the test. my dsp professor, on the other hand was extremely rude. and went on to call me out during class. it was pretty uncalled for. made me angry. after my classes (incuding dsp lab) and family group, i pulled an all-nighter studying for orgo.

thursday -- continue all nighter. i got done studying at 6:30, and i walked to the crc to take a nap before leading a workout. took exactly an hour nap, and after fighting the horrible grogginess, was quite awake. took the test. got done, went home, passed out. was planning on going to the dsp review session at 6. definitely slept through that, and then woke up later on, proceeded to work on my cheat sheet and such. went to bed at 11, 12 ish. maybe 1? also, health services had given me a sling the day before, and charged for it a day later (thursday). i was a little put off by that, so i asked if i could return it because i really rather hadn't. the cashier was pretty rude, told me it was now a damaged product. and said i had to pay for it. i was too tired to make a controlled argument, so i walked away pretty fed up.

friday -- woke up at 8, studied for dsp. kind of. studied with my dsp lab partner (who in contrast to my first impression, is really cool, and we're both very spiteful to each other). took the test, got back. cooked chicken alfredo. and then went to family group get-together where we played mafia. and had a feast. omg, so amazing.

saturday -- did nothing. and boy, i'm floating on air. i'm loved. i'm so lucky. oh way a wi woh ehhhhhhhhhhh.... i'm so lucky eh oh wa sa ba dededede.

sunday -- went to church, worked on dsp hw, dsp lab, dsp pre-lab. and watched the first episode of star trek: tng season one.

it was a good way to end the week... despite quite an escapade...

way to go team

byke phails

before i go into hardcore studying

so... basically, i'm an idiot, and didn't realize that i had an orgo test tomorrow.
fortunately, i've been looking through material, so i'm not as ill-prepared as usual. i went to review today, and understood most of the things going on. so that's a good thing.

i went to family group today. tamara, min-hee, brad (dolphyn), brandon dyer, and jane yoon are all in it, which made it more comfortable for me when talking about what we wanted to get out of family group today at the end to say

"i'm not christian -- but i'm here to get to know more about God."

there are some things that needs to be justified, while at the same time things that i don't feel should really be done so. i don't know how else to put that. i'll come to terms with one or the other.

so. while studying, current playlist consists of four albums and some random songs in between:

"get out of my yard" album, paul gilbert
"liberation transmission" album, lostprophets
"good apollo i'm burning star iv volume one from fear through the eyes of madness" album, coheed and cambria
"the electric joe satriani anthology" album, joe satriani
"panopticon" album, isis
select songs by racer x

i just saw shade alabsa in the library. he's back at tech!

back to studying.

con amor.

north ave housing: i will chew your soul and spit you back out

[edit] fire alarm goes off at 5:15 am. it was cold outside. and i had no morning shift.

home

the past few days have been interesting.

since thursday, i've pretty much been going to the pool, and then back home, exhausted. it was my first lifeguard class that i taught, and there were initially 40 of them that we were supposedly going to hire. between the seven of the lifeguard instructors, this was definitely bearable. but going up in front of them, talking to them in the beginning was the scariest thing ever. so many of them towered over me. seriously, the dudes could have been doubles for the incredible hulk. not all of them, but enough of them were massive i cringed at first. but as the class progressed, i definiteliy got used to the environment, and we all got to be comfortable around one another. i definitely developed confidence from teaching this class. even after working this job for years, practicing the skills, going through the instructor course -- i think it was nice to be able to prove i could teach it. and get to know people. i definitely hated the initial awkwardness. but a few laughs later, things were great. some of my favorite (new) guards:

• "weasley twin" - he has a twin brother working at a different part of the crc. they're redheads, and identical. what more can you ask? they also sound very much like each other, though i've only seen them together at the same time once.
• tech swimmer A - big, friendly guy. quiet giant. sculpted. holy crap. incredible huk #1.
• tech swimmer B - always had this mischievous grin. you'd think he was always up to no good as a kid. and never grew up. actually, he was hilarious. he told me he was going to take a turd in the pool today during practice. yeah. gross. but funny at the same time.
• philsky's little sister - i kid you not, this girl looks like my buddy's little sister. she's so TINY. potentially smaller than shawty. no jokes. apparently during the final scenario though, she had the voice of the devil. as in, everybody stopped as she was yelling and doing cadences. scariest thing ever. but similarly, funny.
  
• joe byrne look-a-like - sounded like him, only mini-me'd. also had the similar personality. he knew his stuff too, and was making my life easier as a teacher.
• G.I. joe - for the lack of a better name, because he was enlisted. also, cool student. so into the lessons. 'nuff said.

we had to fail a couple students at the last day, and we had to ask a few of them to leave on the first night. that was a bit of a shame, but had to be done. i'm looking forward to working with these guys over this summer and getting to know them.

still want to ride the bike properly. haven't gotten the chance to do that yet.

but here's a picture, blue with absurdity.

eddie -- i don't think i could go too far with it, it's prolly more for commuting purposes (it's a single speed). i'm game to try though, let me be a beast first though.

i love this song

This Year (If We Fall in Love)
Test Your Reflex

And if we fall in love
Can you promise to keep your eyes shut
And we can see what we wanna see
It doesn't mean that much to me
And if we settle down,
And make a home in some new town
Will my busy head begin to clear and
The loneliness just disappear
If so, I hope we fall in love this year

And if we fall in love
Can you promise to turn the lights off
And we can both fall asleep
There's nowhere else I'd rather be
And if you take my name
Does everything begin to change
Will you still enjoy the little things
You know it means so much to me

Don't be afraid if there's something that you wanna say
Please make it clear
Cause I really want to fall in love this year

Fall in love this year
To fall in love this year

And if we fall in love,
Can you promise to turn the lights off
And we can both fall asleep
There's nowhere else I'd rather be
And if you take my name
Does everything begin to change
Will my busy head begin to clear
And the loneliness just disappear
If so I hope we fall in love this year

Fall in love this year
I really hope we fall in love this year

Oh, to fall in love this year...

oh dear "god help us all" pt. 2

several themes to this --

1. the adventures of blue the bike -- there's "biking," and there's biking. one is from the phrase "it's like learning how to ride a bicycle, you never forget." just because you don't forget doesn't necessarily mean that you suck at it going through it the second or third time around. especially when you start off again on a road bike that's a little big for you. and it doesn't help that the saddle really rides up in the butt. i'm going to have one callused butt by the end of the summer. i now have a U-lock, and a helmet, so i can technically start riding a bike around campus. a couple problems: i'm still not comfortable with stop-and-go's, and i'm still not used to a road bike yet. so i think i'm going to start slow ont his. maybe just ride it in the afternoons after class and get used to it before really going hardcore. that seems like a good idea. and let my butt get used to the hard saddle. jeez. the sexual connotations to that are... wrong.
   
2. there was frisbee, and there was Frisbee. again. same sort of deal. i'm starting to play again, but i'm so out of shape. i don't feel like i contribute as much anymore. and it makes me a little sad because there was a time when i felt like i was bettering myself. i need to be confident again about playing.
3. first jca service i went to without hibisca, janet, stephanie, or rex -- was good. it was a very inspirational talk on trials and hardships. that all in all, we need them so we can grow for Him. i think while it seems like an obvious thing (conflict leads to growth), it's something that we tend to forget. i really liked the service because of that, because p. matt expanded on this. talking about how trials and difficulties reveal to us what we're attached to, how we live in the "now" secular generation, when we really shouldn't be. i'm looking forward to attending more services as the semester goes on. also, looking forward to trying out family group :)
   
4. school is... tough. dsp is a dry class. i don't know what it is that bugs me about it. we have a two hour recitation every week, and the recitation teacher basically spent the first hour and fifteen minutes repeating what our professor told us on the first day of class (prof. clements outlined all of it in 20 mins). it was torture, and a waste of time. the recitation teacher then followed with review. which was slow and detailed, which was a double-edged sword. but, i think it'll help as the semester progresses. so... fingers crossed on that. i like the orgo professor a lot. he's a young guy, makes class interesting by speaking in an engaging manner. i'd like to get to know him. i think i've already mentioned this. hm.
5. i miss people. a lot.
   

god help us all, i've got a bike

so... this summer should be interesting...

i got that bike. it's a little big, but nothing unbearable... except for the seat, and i think that's just default. i used to ride a mountain bike, so riding a road bike is definitely different. it feels fast, and single speed really isn't all that bad. i really really really enjoy it (so far). now i just have to get a helmet and a U-lock before i start using it.

also, having to deal with traffic. that should be interesting.

classes are decent so far. my orgo 1 professor (cameron tyson) is a young guy, makes class really engaging just by the way he talks and the jokes he cracks. which is great, since it's a 2 hour lecture. i want to really do well in his class, and, hopefully, it won't be too bad...? he doesn't curve, at all, supposedly. but he's a lot more organized than sys phys, so it should be more enjoyable. i'm going to break my bad streak with chemistry this summer. i'd like to get to know him too, (a) so he could write a letter of recommendation for me, and (b) because he just seems like an interesting, aweseome guy.

dsp on the other hand... well, the class is boring. let's just face it. but the professor seems to be fresh, too. his research is in speech recognition, and all in all seems like an interesting person. honestly, i'm shooting for a B in this class.

no homeworks due... yet. but due dates are already on the syllabus. and i need a dsp textbook... which i'll receive over the weekend...

goals for this summer.

1. A in organic chemistry, A in DSP (despite my shooting for a B)
2. work out every day at the CRC, lose some poundage, gain some muscles
3. eat healthy, save money.
4. hang out with friends
5. go to jca every sunday, take part in family group
6. tennis
7. frisbee
   

bike bike bike bike bike bike

so i've been thinking about getting a bike for the past couple weeks, and... it's been kind of tough. it's starting to make more and more sense after this year. having to wait for the stinger/ stingerette so i can get to west campus frequently for classes, etc. with summer, less of them running around, so i've been wanting to become less dependant on it. and be less lazy. i guess walking would be a good solution too, except it does consume time. see this? this is the logic i'm using to justify this hunt for a good bike. this, along with increased trips to piedmont park... and walking there is extremely inefficient.

currently looking at bikes that cost 100-200 dollars. have gotten a lot of help from gabe in this department.

going to go meet a french (?) guy today selling his for 200. crossing my fingers. other than the obscene blue of this bike, it looks amazing. and worth it. totally.

oh boy.

boy, this semester sucked.

grades came out today.i feel like i worked my butt off, and didn't get any of the grades i deserved.

physiology - B
statistics - B
inorganic - C
inorganic lab - C
bmed 2210 - C

statistics is probably the only grade that i deserved. i felt like the rest of the grades are off by one letter grade. i feel like all of them were due to the final exam. physiology was the worst exam ever, i had no clue how to study for that. 2210 was just a killer. i understood the material, but the level of difficulty for that exam was off the charts.

sigh.

guess i'm jsut gonna hve to work harder the upcoming semesters.

as another year closes

we're going to have to say this soon, and it makes me sad.

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Elphaba):
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

"for good," wicked

my part of the story

so... i've been looking at physiology and i have no idea how to study for this test.

good thing i still have 24 hours to try and figure that one out. and then go on to do inorganic and stat. which i have a little better idea on a strategy.

this week, at its halfway point has been interesting. and it's not because of exams.

monday, i was working at the pool, and a group of guys came in to use the diving boards while atlanta diving was practice. this was ok, since rec swim and atlanta diving coincided, and it's how they (atl diving) gets a cheaper rent pay. but the guys that came in were being jerks, and were clearly aggravating the dive team by messing around, not being very safe, and not really being considerate of the other people using it. after the dive team was done using the 3m boards (and moved on to the 1-meter), when they had the boards to themselves, these fellas decide that they'd follow the dive team to the one meter too, and mess around then. so i asked them if they could wait until the dive team was done using the boards, since practice was almost done. diving had been pretty patient about it. one of the guys got all in my face about it, and told me he didnt' deserve this treatment, and was being pretty rude. how it was his right as a paying customer to be doing what he was doing and so on and so forth. after a few exchanges, he asked if i could let them dive for a couple minutes after we were supposed to close down the dive well, and i said sure.

i felt like i was pretty calm during the whole thing. the dive coach talked to me afterward, and while the divers appreceiated it, the dive coach explained that rec swimmers were allowed to use the dive boards at the same time as atlanta divers. i think though, that recreational swimmers didn't have to be douches.

the next day, the guy sends out an e-mail to my boss.

I was at the diving Well earlier today and was yelled at by one of the head life guards at the pool. I feel that this was in error, since the lifegaurd claimed that I was being disruptive to the diving practice going on at the 1 meter boards.

and closes off with

the lifegaurd was rude and stubborn about us using the lower boards. I am not sure what can be done about this, but I love coming to the pool and plan to do so all throughout the Summer.

i had another shift that day (yesterday). the lifeguards were in a fit. the gang of jerks returned, and started canonballing right in front of the coaches. now, really? is that necessary? i felt like this is the kind of thing they were doing yesterday, and i'd already gotten crap for it. so, while i hated to watch this, kept my mouth shut. they then later went to the leisure pool and caused havoc there. no one was pleased.

so, i'm glad i'm done working for this week. now off i go for frisbee.

today has been the weirdest day.

it's not like it started that badly. morning, 5 am to 9 am, lifeguarded. quiet morning. 9 am to 10 am, worked out. took a shower, went to lunch at 11. took a nap from noon to 1. went to class, ready for a 2210 review. more or less.

i was fooling around on the computers. i don't know what made me look, i had my earphones on and i sure didn't hear anything. but the next thing i knew, i saw a fellow on the ground, blood all over the floor.

seizing.

it took a moment for it to hit. and at first, there was indecision. there were two guys already on the scene, but no one had moved. so i ran up to the first floor where i could get signal, and called gatech police. after i realized somebody had already done that, i ran back down to see if there was anything else i could do. i looked for the first aid kit, an AED, and i sorely wished i had my pocket mask. nobody knew where any of those were and it was chaos as we ran around, looking. i felt so helpless and weak. if it was the pool, i'd had known where to go. after what seemed like an eternity, people found gloves. without thinking, i gloved up, and i took the place of the guy holding the fallen's head, holding a paper towel to stop the bleeding. it was the only thing they had until three people rushed three different first aid kits.

after that, we had gauze, and he eventually (slowly but surely) regained consciousness. he was confused for awhile, and we had to talk him into lying there. it was forever until EMS arrived. and all i could do was make sure he was breathing and conscious. i wanted to keep actually have him sit up so blood wasn't pooling, but after talking to everyone else, we had him still laying there, on his side. was the best idea, in case he started seizing again, which was possible. EMS eventually took over, and i was relieved. i went back to class.

there were a few things i learned from the event.

1. i could react if duty called. even while i was a trained lifeguard, i had never experienced that before, and i never really knew how i would react. i didn't freeze up though, and i acted. you never really know i guess, until it actually happens. it was like -- looking back -- remembering my dad rushing to any sort of accident that he passed. he was always there to help, not really aware of the situation around him (whether it be a ghetto somewhere, or by the side of the road). and i began to accept my likeness to him, despite the fact we're not related by blood. i guess i am his son.
2. it brought back my faith in my job as a lifeguard. to be vigilant, to now really know that you never know when shit's going to hit the fan. i talked to my boss afterward, and he approved of what i did. i told him how i wished we weren't so dependant on our pocket mask, and if it was smaller and less clunky i would have taken it around in a heartbeat. that next time (or from this day forth) i would have it with me. he gave me a better alternative -- a TINY pocket-sized resuscitation mask. it was nice to talk to him about it, and he approved of what i did. it's also nice to know i'm a little more prepared -- mentally, physically.
   
3. not that i can blame them, and yet. it was frustrating to have people just looking. watching. people continued to walk right by to the computer lab (the accident occurred right in front of the computer lab) so that they could get work done. i could accept people walking away, out of the basement and continuing on their way. but to go into the computer lab and continue to goggle. i was so frustrated. it was shocking, unbelievable that i had initially missed it. imagine if i was unaware of the whole thing. imagine. good grief.
   

i was shaking after the incident, and continued to do so for a good three hours. i replayed everything over in my head, and wondered if there was anything more i could do. i learned a lot from the experience. what i wouldn't do. i felt for the most part, i did my job. the guy was carted off without further problems. i hope he'll be alright for exams. i hope, actually, that he can just wait till later on after exam week to complete it. i think he deserves it.

it's storming now. thunder, lightining, weird weather. it'd be beautiful if it wasn't for what happened today. it just seems like a reflection of my mood, and just horribly, and darkly fits with today.

i got a tattoo

...just kidding.

but if i ever get a tattoo, i want a nyami-nyami on my shoulder blade. i've been thinking about this for awhile now, and since a tattoo should be something that's made a big impact on you (or has some great significance to you, seeing as it's permanent), i think the nyami-nyami is a big part of my life. being from zambia, loving the zambezi river, white water rafting through it... i think it's the only thing that i'd want drawn.

one i've been impressed with is carlos moya's dolphin tattoo around his bicep. i've always thought that was the coolest thing ever. i'm not quite sure if there are any other tattoos that are half as impressive as that... except maybe popeye.

anyway.

i actually attempted drawing this during the weekend -- and it looks decent i guess. the eye that i drew is the only part that bugs me, and it seems... too simple. i almost want to make it look fancier -- but then again, i don't think i'll ever get one. i'd need to lose some pounds if i was, anyway...

oh, the vanity. :P

tournament

i just got back from playing at the tennis club's doubles tournament. we lost in the 2nd round, but it was a good match. i wish we played best two out of three sets, but the first three rounds were 8 game pro-set, so it was brief and we really didn't have an opportunity to come back. the first round match was decent, wes and i got a little flustered playing against a pair that kept moon-balling, meaning it took a lot of discipline to win points. if you were watching it, you would've been pretty bored. we figured how to beat them after awhile -- played consistently, and conservatively. our serves were on to, so that made the match a lot easier. i was a little flustered because my volleys were terrible... i had no pace to work with.

2nd round match was one i was happy to lose with. the guys we were playing were a mexican pair that played in the itf (international tennis federation) juniors. one guy had some great volleying skills. i think that really was the difference in why we lost. neither wes nor i were doubles players to begin with and essentially had this week to fix that. we did... but i really think that made the difference. i watched them play until the semis where they lost. it was a great match too -- i think they'd deserve to win, but they were pretty tired i think from the previous matches. i'm looking forward to playing against them again.

it was a great motivator to play tennis again :)

what a day!

the second half of today was awesome. despite having to wait about an hour and a half to use the tennis courts, i think i had the best hour's worth of practice ever. i was hitting very cleanly, and my volleys (for a change) were top-notch. backhand could do some work, but hey. that's what tomorrow is all about. i got to discuss with wes some tactics about doubles. i'm really excited about saturday's tournament. i'm looking forward to practicing some more tomorrow at piedmont park. it's going to be intense.

i also got to listen to hibisca's chamber ensemble pieces today, and they were pretty awesome. the brahms' sonata in a major was very rich (i love brahms) and the poulenc sonata for piano four hands was just incredible. i then got to listen to ted and juli play with two others in a cello quartet prokofiev's humoristisches scherzo, apocalyptica's faraway, and bach's air on the g string. i managed to make it to the chamber ensemble for bill moore hauling butt. i think i managed to get to the couch building in ~15 mins... which i don't think i ever do (seeing as i walk EXTREMELY slowly). i beat the blue route there. of course, i had a head start. but anyway. shh. listening to the chamber ensemble made for a really enjoyable end to the day.

...not that the first half was bad either... no wait, yeah, it was a little bad. i woke up at 4:15 am, greeted john who had just gotten back from his management group project. he was fairly impressed i woke up this early. truthfully, so was i.

so i guarded the pool for four hours, and then did some maintenance, left at 10 am. i was with ross for the four hours of lifeguarding, so, seeing as how chatty ross is, it made those hours fly by real quick. it was a good way to spend the morning. i hope i see some more of him over the summer for frisbee.

after work, i worked out for half an hour. i've started doing assisted chin-ups (seeing as i can't do full chin-ups yet). i can now pull up 145 lbs out of the 200 that i weigh. i'm bummed i still weigh this much, i feel like i've been doing better in terms of eating and working out. i'm hoping eventually, it'll get there when i'm not really looking so hard at the scale. and i'm hoping the scale at the crc was broken by some unusually fat man. even the analog ones.

after i took a shower, i got some lunch with hibisca, and later, ryan and joe. after having a debate about whether jesus was ripped or not -- by the way, lunch tasted AWESOME -- i hung out at woodies briefly before going to 2210. the quiz was a nightmare. the TA completely threw me off when he corrected something on the quiz (i interpreted it one way, and his correction made the problem considerably more complicated, and thus, messed me up). i couldn't finish the problem at all, and i was really flustered. i felt like i understood how to tackle the problem, so i felt cheated of a good grade on my quiz.

and then... after the waiting for an hour and a half to use the courts -- the day got better. so i'm feeling pretty good right now as i prepare to study for my last inorganic test.

it might also help that my colon feels so clear, i feel like i could breathe through my butt. yeah. i just said that. what now.

it's great to be me right now -- and i mean that in the least egotistical way possible. i think?

:)

oh, boy, this semester does need to end.

i'm starting to lose concentration and focus. i want dead week to start. for a change, i don't have too many assignments due. no tests. whew.

i've been playing quite a bit of tennis this past week or two. there's a tournament (doubles) at bill moore on saturday, so my doubles partner wes and i've been trying to get as much tennis in as possible. i don't feel as rusty as i originally did. my backhand's about the worst of it. and my volleys... but they're getting more solid now. i don't think i'll be playing frisbee this friday. maybe saturday though. we'll see how i'm feeling.

my schedule for fall isn't looking too fun right now. bmed 3300, 3400, 3500, and orgo 2. tack on research too, possibly. ick. i am looking forward to intramurals though. i know it's still way far ahead, but i really want something like this year's team again -- with a few edits. summer's going to be spent (between classes) working out, frisbee, tennis... and hanging out. oh! and dancing. i know, sounds pretty sissy. but i've definitely begun enjoying swing dancing, and i'd like to check out the ballroom dance club here at tech over the summer. who knows? my favorite step so far was the funky apple jack and the charleston.

anyway. morning shift tomorrow.

this is so cliché

jeez. it really is 4 am, and i need to get to bed. i've been studying for stat this entire time. where did the time go? i looked at some dumb problems i knew how to solve for an hour a chapter. it should have taken fifteen minutes per chapter. i should have been asleep 3 hours ago. at least. i'm starting to turn everything into one of those bloody problems. we've really got problems now. get it? GET IT?

i am not a big fan of statistics. blame it on my lack of statistical education, blame it on the fact i was working at the cdc epidemiology department data-cleaning for two and a half months (give or take other activities), and the fact that when i think of "statistics" i still only think about mean, median, mode, range, and recently, the normal distribution/ the bell curve.

i don't like the fact that natural trends can be determined somehow makes sense, but it's been a little disturbing how we all fit into a box. not really a box i suppose. a hill. a tonsil. a bell. i don't want to be below the curve, but i want to be standing on top of it. i want to be that outlier on the q-test that is just within reach that they can't reject me for poor data, and yet, there i am, screwing it up.

i want to make a dinosaur out of a curve. maybe some made up country, and a route to a treasure.

also, to be the butt-end of that really bad pick-up line., that, let's face it, after taking calc, we all can't help but smile a little bit.

ha.

ha.

....ha.

[edit]

musically, some cool pieces have come up recently:

karen gave me some norwegian recycling. i liked the red hot chili peppers/ eagle eye cherry combo.

i'm getting a little more hooked on japanese rock. especially those that come up in anime. oh. dear.

i started listening to some of those old songs by eminem. despite the negativity, the swear words (which i guess counts towards the negativity), and the vile sense of humor (again, negativity?) -- i still like listening to it. it's nice to hear him ranting rather than me i suppose.

"shine on," needtobreathe. "comatose" skillet (though i've already listened to this a ton of times).

old school songs.

i need to get back into volta. and the peppers.

and sleep.

calm before the storm

this week has been fairly quiet. although i skipped my first class of the semester, 2210. i'm pretty disappointed. i've been trying to study a lot, seeing as i have three tests next week which are going to be... interesting. i got a 62 on that 4th physiology test (average was a 59). which is good. but at the same time i'm disappointed because i don't think i'm going to get an A... turns out la placa is going to give A's to the top 10 percent, and i don't think i'm high enough. it's pretty disappointing after all that effort i've put in this class (you should check out my physiology notes sometime).

i started flipping through last semester's photos...


i love frisbee. i hate how i don't play enough. not enough frisbee. not enough tennis. i need to fix it.

and how this picture makes me happy, every single time i look at it.

we need to get stedman to play again next year. people need to help me convince him to play. i feel like we all started playing frisbee together. and we should at least try and end it together.

also, i'm looking at making discs again. i have some ideas on it, e-mail pending to all involved.

does anyone ever notice that when the majority of the people try to draw the georgia tech logo, they draw a big G, without the T?

nathan wolfe hunts for the next killer virus

it's raining outside. i've been really hoping for some ridiculous pour-age. i need to do some work, i want to read a book, and the best time for that is when there's a thunderstorm and massive downpour of rain. and you're dry inside, all bundled up and watching it from a window.

and it's supposed to be thunderstorms today :)

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/nathan_wolfe_hunts_for_the_next_aids.html

i just watched this clip -- it's only ten minutes long (give or take) so if you're interested you should definitely check it out. i think this was what i initially thought i was going to get into when i started thinking bio-engineering. this is the kind of stuff that inspires. it reminded me a lot of working at lohitash's lab -- except there was nothing like this in lohitash's lab. i think what got me about this particular lecture were the pictures in it -- there were some familiar scenery, despite the fact that i think the pictures were from cameroon (and i'm from zambia). i found myself actually hoping i could go back to africa to do something like this. by doing so, yes, i realize i have joined the thousands of naive, and inspired hopefuls who believe they can change the face of africa.

but first... veterinary school.

i think goal one i've discovered is to work back at the same vet clinic i first worked. it was the energy and atmosphere of the place was so amazing. i worked there almost everyday for 8 to 10 hours, after working at USAID for four or five hours. by the time i left last summer, i was dreading going to work every morning and left the clinic happy, but exhausted. satisfied. sharing a beer with dr. julie. playing with her dogs yogi and mattie. listening to her stories of vet school while she does surgery (and talk about how she'd love to listen to rock and roll while doing so, but dr. liza disapproving of the "devil's music." lawls). getting to know the dogs in the kennels, and the cats. the only thing that killed me about working there was (a) it was completley voluntary, so my being there for 8 to 10 hours got me no money, which was actually ok, and (b) my lack of background in the field. so hopefully after this year, maybe i will have gained something more. i'm hoping i can get back for a week in august and help around again after summer classes end.

while i'm there, i also hope that i can catch up on some tennis with the matero boys. which will be good, hopefully. i feel like i've managed to maintain playing tennis this year so far. which has been great.

gradewise this semester:

sys phys tests: 70 (av. 61), 85.5 (av. 70), 42.5 (av. 51), test 4?
inorganic tests" 70 (av. 70), 32.5 (av. 51), 66 (av. 59)
statistics: 70 (av. 71), 66 (av. 67)
bmed 2210: 72 (av. 73)

so... sys phys has been decent. te rest have not been so, really. i think i'm looking at B's in 2210 and inorganic (hopefully), and sys phys i think i'm looking at a low A. i really want that A in physiology considering the amount of efforti've been putting into it (aside from the 42.5 and 32.5 -- that was just a really bad weekend for tests).

i'm really looking forward to this semester being over.

blurb

i woke up this morning at 7 am and continued studying for inorganic.

...wasn't all that exciting -- i'm glad that's done with, though that test could go both ways. ick, inorganic. not that i'm looking forward to organic, though i heard it's more interesting. and biochem......? sys phys has been going pretty well, its' helped to study with a group for that class. i've found that class to be pretty interesting, though lecutre's a bore. statistics is really frustrating at this point... and 2210 sucks up way too much time for it's worth.

still haven't skipped a class this semester. woo!

i did decide (this morning), to listen to some music in the past 24 hours that i've realized were helpful for studying.

1. "kanashimi wo yasashisani" little by little
2. "secret of my heart" kuraki mai
3. "wind" akeboshi
4. "just communication" two mix
5. "melissa" porno graffiti
6. "undo" cool joke
7. "rewrite" asian kung fu generation
8. "haruka kanata" asian kung fu generation
9. "xtc" psychic lover
10. "more" matthew west
11. "dare you to move" switchfoot
12. "everything" lifehouse

funnily enough, a lot of them (so far) are japanese -- all of them opening or closing themes from anim... but expanding to the english rock songs i've grown to love. "more" was a very christian inspirational song. very catchy.

Take a look at the mountains
Stretching a mile high
Take a look at the ocean
Far as your eye can see
And think of Me

Take a look at the desert
Do you feel like a grain of sand?
I am with you wherever
Where you go is where I am

And I'm always thinking of you
Take a look around you
I'm spelling it out one by one

(Chorus)
I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more

Just a face in the city
Just a tear on a crowded street
But you are one in a million
And you belong to Me

And I want you to know
That I'm not letting go
Even when you come undone

Shine for Me
Shine for Me
Shine on, shine on

i think it summarizes christianity in a nutshell.

pandora's great. and (knock on wood) i still haven't gotten any of those advertisements that people complain about. so i really don't know what to think about that. though it certainly could be annoying. i've been hunting for "break" by two mix ... can't find it. driving me crazy.

trying to figure out housing arrangments for summer. at this moment, it's looking like aaron + friend + kevin at north ave north? still not sure about living over on east campus over the summer... though it'd make things easier for living in the fall once again.

anyway.